Manifestation is not all sexy-sexy. Seducing your dreams into the boudoir of your life can be more chaotic than finding a Tinder date in a foreign country. It’s that scary, y’all.

Too many coaches and manifestation masters don’t give you the inside scoop. Maybe not everyone feels the shitstorm that I do when I upgrade my life big time, but I’m positive that some of you reading this right now do. And we’re going to stop sweeping it under the rug of gorgeous miraculous manifestation that happens after the fact.

The minute you set your sight on a big, amazing goal and decide to manifest your dreams, all the doubts, fears and resistance you’ve been carrying around, keeping your dream at arm’s length pop up. Most of them are totally subconscious. I’m learning that doubt and fear are the ego trying to make limitation seem real. Knowing it’s the ego sabotaging you isn’t enough… you have to step up and practice seeing yourself and your life differently, so you can accept your natural abundance, happiness, and ease in life.

Watching the Olympics lately has made me realize just how much I hate perfection. I mean, I 100% honor and celebrate the dedication, the commitment, the practice and the consistency that goes into those groundbreaking, super sparkly performances. I know they worked damn hard to get there, and I respect that!

But I want to SEE the road to gold. Because that’s what’s most real to me. That’s what’s authentic. That’s what we all struggle with. The end result is MEANINGLESS without the awareness of what it takes to get there.

Let’s watch the blooper reel. Let’s get honest about the gnarly process of revealing our greatness. That’s where the deliciousness of life resides. Not in the brilliant idea that sets you on the road, and not in the satisfaction of the end result -because in life, there is no podium with a gold medal awaiting us at the “end” – it’s a continual process. Which means that all this crazy chaos is the blessing, if we’re willing to see it that way.

[Tweet “In life, love, or an Oreo cookie, what happens in the middle is the sweetest. bit.ly/ManifestationNotSexyPart1”]

I’m manifesting something really big right now. I’ve wanted Lasik to expand the clarity of my physical vision for 15 years, but always told myself I didn’t need it, contacts were just fine. They aren’t fine for me anymore. Contacts and glasses make my head ache, limit my Mermaiding ability, and suck up time, energy and money.

I made the choice, I scheduled the surgery, I lined it all up.

The Universe has more to teach me though, apparently. The financing plan I thought was a sure thing fell through on Thursday, leaving me $4000 to manifest. OMFG. In 4 days???

I panicked and fell on the floor, crying my eyes out and feeling like my world was ending. I know, I’m a big dramatic, but I know you can relate – when your heart is set on something, and the way you think it should show up, getting “derailed” can feel like the room is caving in.

But in the midst of the chaos and fear, I chose to meet myself more deeply. I chose to practice what I preach, walk my talk, and believe that EVERYTHING is possible, and I don’t have the answers for the how, but that’s not my job. My job is just to show up, meet myself, and follow what feels light and happy for me.

Do you know how hard it is to even FEEL what’s light and happy in the midst of the chaos? LOL of course you do. We all feel it. It divorces us from the Truth that wants to work through us, and manifest our dreams for us.

The feelings, fears and doubts are actually the GIFT in these experiences. When you think everything’s going to hell in a handbasket, it IS! Thank God! Because what is leaving is the limited vision you have of yourself.

Do you see how that works? It’s so clear to me in the midst of this challenge to expand my physical vision, that what’s really standing in my way is my vision of myself.

So I’ve been sitting in the feelings without judging them, and choosing to see myself truly. What I’m beginning to see is so fucking magnificent. So much more expansive than I knew. With SO MANY EFFING TOOLS to transform my life, and the lives of those I adore supporting and encouraging.

Let me give you the play by play of how my day went on Thursday:

6am – Wake up, happy, excited that it’s an 11 day (powerful alignment with our desires).

8am – Play with puppy, eat breakfast, get excited about my eyeballs getting upgraded in 4 days.

11:11 – Perfect sacred manifesting time to call and confirm my payment plan. OMG DENIED?!?!?!?! Cue epic meltdown. And texts to about 10 of my mightiest companions, who always help me stay focused on what’s true, instead of the fear.

12:12 until… (I’ll let you know when I’m done)  –  cry my eyes out, pray, meditate, text my friends, cry some more. EFT tapping, cry my eyes out, eat chocolate, pray, meditate some more. Nap from emotional exhaustion. Cry, pray, send tearful texts, meditate, tap some more. You get the picture.

The most beautiful times in my life happen when the floor is covered with tissues, and my meditation mat is my lifeline. When the prayers rip out of my Soul with the force of Niagra Falls, shedding tears and anger and frustration that my way isn’t working – that’s when I really come face to face with myself. And in those moments, I truly see the face of God/Source.

You see, manifestation has nothing to do with how it will show up for you. It really doesn’t have that much to do with what you’re manifesting either. It’s all about clarity of vision to SEE YOURSELF. Your wholeness. Your perfection in the midst of all the things you judge as wrong with you or the world. Your strength in being perfectly vulnerable… so totally not sexy… and living to tell about it.

Seeing clearly, whether you’re increasing your intuition, seeing yourself more deeply or just want a pair of 20/20 eyeballs, is about seeing the Light within you. The sacredness of Source/God working in you is the fact that your human vessel can channel immense rage, deep sorrow, AND determination to see the Truth of unconditional love, acceptance, radiant Joy.

The Truth is that no one can keep you separated from your desires. Everything that happens externally is a signal whether you are pressing the gas pedal or slamming on the brakes to avoid meeting your Soul. Because when you are in that flow of your power as the human expression of God/Source… everything shows up for you with ease. And yes, that’s when it looks sexy.

There is no weakness or failure in you. The not-so-sexy blindness that is hiding your Truth from you offers the choice to say YES to your Soul, to meet yourself fully, and to celebrate every motherfucking thing about yourself.

Standing in a pile of shit?! SAY YES TO THE SHIT!!!! Accept it for what it is. Reclaim the childlike joy at making a mess. It’s part of you.

And when you’re ready, choose again. Choose to play with childlike joy in the chaos and “mess” of the unknown. Call upon your friends, your mentor, the mighty companions who can walk with you through the fears and doubts and remind you over and over again who you are. Because YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT. The world needs you to manifest ALL of you.

I’m learning to embrace these challenges in manifestation, because each one gives me more strength, clarity, and a bigger fucking flashlight to hold for YOU while you travel the valley of your shadows.

My emergency prayer of gratitude at all this un-sexiness is simply to repeat “Thank you, thank you, thank you, that nothing is as it seems and everything, including my new vision of myself, is possible. I can’t WAIT to see (with perfect clarity!) what happens next! Even if I can’t see it yet, I KNOW it’s coming, and I’m willing to see myself as all of me – the unsexy AND the gorgeous – because that is TRUE beauty.”

So if you are looking for a BFF to be your flashlight-holding, shadow valley hiking guide, I’d love to hear from you. Comment below, or schedule a time to chat with me about stepping into YOUR LIGHT. I’d love to hang out with you on your path of the sweet, sweet “middle.”

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