Healthy energy boundaries are essential to your success in life and in your business.
That’s why having a boo-boo in your energy boundaries will cost you – energetically, financially, and even physically. ESPECIALLY if you have a Spiritual business.
Here are the Boundary Boo-Boos that cost you BIG-TIME.
1. BOUNDARY WALLS
Many people subconsciously assume a boundary is a wall or a fence, designed to keep out a certain behavior, type of person, or energy. This invests your energy into pushing against what you do not want – and thus, you’ll always be face to face with it. OOPS!
This drains your energy quickly, defeats your sense of hope, and effectively isolates you from those who would like to help, since no one can get through a wall of energy without your permission.
You may think your “wall” is only for the clients and energies you DON’T want, so everyone else should be able to get through. This may be true, but too often, once the energy is invested in wall-building, the differentiation between friend and foe becomes fuzzier and the wall becomes more solid.
This costs you opportunity, networks, support, and creativity. These are the essential building blocks to success, so I’d say boundary walls rob you pretty hardcore.
Symptoms of a Boundary Wall Boo-Boo: You’re easily frustrated when you attract a client who’s not a good fit, and may spend a lot of time thinking about and clarifying who you don’t feel good about working with, and list many justifications for not working with them.
Yet your less than ideal client still calls… or your clientele has dried up and no one’s booked for weeks. A sense of dissatisfaction, boredom, or resentment with your work in another sign of boundary walls.
Energy Bandage: Think of your energy “wall” as a magnetic invitation to the CLIENTS and energies you DO want to experience. It is a far more fulfilling, joyful, and regenerating use of your energy.
Spend as much time as possible thinking about those clients you adore working with, and the ways you best like to work. Let yourself feel happy and excited as you imagine your energy inviting your ideal clients to experience empowerment, healing and comfort.
What about the ones you want to avoid?
With your energy field broadcasting an invite to your ideal clients and situations, lower energy interactions naturally drop away.
If a less desirable energy is present, you must be building a wall to hold it out. Switch the wall’s frequency to the energy you DO want, and watch it shift before you.
2. “LIST OF RULES” BOUNDARY
Another common boo-boo is the idea that a list of rules for people to follow when they’re around you is a healthy boundary.What really happens is that you end up playing cop, running around enforcing your list of rules when people inevitably do or say the wrong thing.
A fear of losing control is a characteristic of the “list of rules” boundary dysfunction.
Your boundaries and rules may be very healthy in and of themselves, but the need to list and enforce them is a lack of trust that they will be respected.
This costs you time, energy and most of all, your sanity!
Boo-Boo Symptoms: Attracting clients who cancel last minute, don’t follow through on payment, and generally need a lot of “policing” to follow the flow of your business. Feeling like you have to “help them learn” to follow the rules, and resentment at the disrespect of your time, energy and money.
Energy Bandage: Affirm your trust in the Universe to take the boundaries you have set and hold them for you so that no one and nothing can “break the law” in your energy space.
The key here is applying trust and relaxing your body and energy so that the Universe can flow with all-powerful energy through and around you, enforcing your boundaries on your behalf.
Your clients will pay up immediately when you assign the Universe as your Bounty Hunter, and they will keep their commitments to you and themselves when you trust your commitment to your own boundaries.
3. EMPATHIC/COMMON SENSE BOUNDARIES
As highly sensitive and empathic women, we often assume that what we need and desire is “common sense,” or that others should be able to pick up the signs in our manerisms and energy. We are so in tune with others’ boundaries beyond what they say or request, that we expect others to do the same for us.Unfortunately, that’s not always a realistic expectation, unless you live in a psychic community, and even then, it’s certainly not a guarantee!
This boundary boo-boo is characterized by feeling like emotions and needs aren’t respected, and anger or frustration at not being seen/valued.
Mostly your cost is disempowerment. A clear, fully expressed need or desire is a healthy boundary, and the most powerful good you can do in the world!
Boo-Boo Symptoms: Clients may overload on you with energy or emotion. Having difficulty verbalizing boundaries means expecting the client to regulate how much they share rather than setting those boundaries clearly, placing you in the path of their personal shitstorm. No bueno.
You also probably have a hard time finishing a session on-time, because you are empathically signalling the end of the session, without verbally closing it out. You may also feel resentment towards self or clients with this type of boundary blurring.
Energy Bandage: Acknowledge that your may not be communicating your boundaries and needs clearly to others, and make an effort to effectively communicate those needs.
If this is difficult or induces anxiety for you, it is likely that you have had a boundary trauma, where expressing your desires and needs was met with an intense, negative response.
The nervous system then learned that having boundaries was dangerous, and your requests wouldn’t be respected.
You will need to do some extra re-programming of your energy, emotional, and nervous systems to fully shift the problem.
Please contact me if you want to know more about re-programming your energy, emotions and nervous system.
4. BOUNDARY VALIDATION
It’s not that you don’t have boundaries, it’s just you don’t always trust them. Are they too strict? Not strict enough? Are you helping people or hurting them?This is a boundary issue with CHOICE. Choice creates strong boundaries, and second guessing your choices puts your overall boundaries into glitch mode.
Worrying about making the wrong choice that will destroy your boundaries/client relationships/business actually turns off the energy forcefield of magnetic attraction that healthy boundaries are.
So Boundary Validation costs you by slowing down or stopping the process of receiving and experiencing money, clients, appreciation, value, joy.
Boo-Boo Symptoms: You often find yourself wondering if your boundaries are too strict and driving people away. Do your clients still like you?
When you create anything that means something to you (like your website, your healing sessions or readings, the name for the book you want to write) you ask your friends/partner/biz group their opinion.
On. Every. Freaking. Detail. Eleventy. Billion. Times.
We love you boo, but YOU gotta validate YOU!
Energy Bandage: Acknowledge that others’ opinions are helpful, but not essential.
When someone’s opinions matter more than your own, you have given them control over your boundaries, your energy, your LIFE! EEK!
It’s time to trust your intuition AND the way you follow it, and validate your own brilliant ideas!
If your idea/creation doesn’t feel brilliant, don’t ask anyone’s opinion. Dig deeper and connect to Spirit until you discover the gem you LOVE to show off in confidence!
5. JUDGMENTAL BOUNDARIES
Judging the things you don’t like/want as wrong is another way people set boundaries when it’s difficult to express what they really want or need.Criticism, moral superiority, and elitism can be direct or subtle ways to create a boundary to “keep out” what we do not want.
Obviously, this is not a fun boundary boo-boo to acknowledge you have, but I think we all play with this one a bit sometimes.
The cost is deep and painful. Whatever you judge in someone else gets heaped on you too in energy form, simply because you’re entertaining the energy of judgment.
Boo-Boo Symptoms: You find yourself thinking of your non-ideal client as not evolved enough to work with you, bashing other therapies/diets/beliefs as wrong or bad, refusing to associate with people/clients who aren’t acting the way they “should.”
This is spiritual ego at its finest, and it can get really ugly, dressed up in words of Love and Light.
Energy Bandage: Extreme self-honesty is needed here. Every judgment we have towards something external is actually a judgment of some part of self.
The solution here is to identify and lift the self judgment, so that we can love ourselves deeply enough that our needs, desires and boundaries express themselves naturally, no holding back.
6. FALSE BOUNDARIES
We’ve all known someone who sets a boundary, and does or expects something completely different. It’s maddening, isn’t it?
We’ve all done it too. Claimed we were on a diet, then bought ice cream… Told someone we would do something by Monday, then procrastinated and pushed it to Tuesday… the list goes on and on.
This pattern happens when you have an underlying expectation of your boundaries being challenged, blocked, or rejected. You go ahead and move your own boundaries before you can experience that difficulty.
The cost here is obvious. You’ll never feel satisfied, valued, or appreciated until you prioritize your own needs and desires for satisfaction, value and appreciation.
It can also happen in the reverse. You set a boundary for your new employee to “show up on time.” Yet your real expectation is that “on time” means 15 minutes early, and when they show up on the hour instead of 15 before, you penalize them.
Yes, this has happened to me. As the employee. On the second day of work.
What did that false boundary from my boss cost her? My respect, my trust, and my faith that we had a friendly relationship and common goals.
False boundaries are costly to everyone, no matter the situation!
Boo-Boo Symptoms: You set boundaries, and just as easily justify changing them, or expect more than was clearly stated.
You tell a client a package is $5,000 but because it’s the third Tuesday, the moon is half full, and you really like them, you’ll give them a 50% discount.
Your cancellation policy is 24 hours advance notice, but you let that client cancel for a “car accident” 15 minutes into every damn appointment, without penalty.
Energy Bandage: The only thing challenging and blocking your boundaries is your own expectation that it will happen.
Suspend your belief that the client will ask for a discount, or that the canceling client won’t pay/will get mad/won’t ever come back. Just for 5 minutes imagine that your clients (and everyone else, including yourself) honors your boundaries without saying a word. Imagine it until it happens.
And when it happens, your clients may even thank you for giving them such clear, easy to follow boundaries so they can work with you and honor your gifts.
7. MIRRORING BOUNDARIES
Sometimes your boundaries are GREAT, no problem, you let your clients know what you need them to do or not do, they say ok, all is well.Other times, your boundaries are non-existent. Clients walk all over you, every session goes over by half an hour, you forget to eat lunch, and you crash out.
Ooops, super sensi Empath… you’re mirroring the boundaries of the people you’re around! Take a look at WHO it is you have good boundaries with, and who you don’t.
When you’re on a call with a client who has great boundaries around time, they naturally wind the session up FOR you, and you never have to assert your boundaries, so it SEEMS like you’re doing a great job.
In fact, you’re seeing what it’s like to HAVE great boundaries… but you may not be holding the vibration on your own. You’re sharing it with your client.
Conversely, you may find you have great boundaries only with clients who obviously have an issue, and around clients with great boundaries, yours go out the window. This is the opposite/reverse mirror effect.
Mirror Boundaries cost you the power of choice in how much you make, how easily your time is valued, and how much you are appreciated for your contribution.
You’ll never feel satisfied when you’re mirroring someone else’s boundaries, because they’re naturally different than yours, even when they’re healthy.
I don’t know about you, but I want my income to be satisfying!
Boo-Boo Symptoms: Sometimes you’re on-point, boundaries are blazing, other times you feel like a doormat. Your boundaries are at the mercy of who you’re with.
You often don’t feel strong enough to stick to your boundaries (desires and needs) without someone else sharing the same boundaries OR to reflect off of.
Energy Bandage: When your energy boundaries are great, check and see if you’re sharing your energy of good boundaries with someone who has great boundaries!
If so, take it as a vibrational learning experience, and affirm your own healthy boundaries while intenting they be associated with the great feeling of boundaries you’re experiencing.
When your energy boundaries aren’t so great, take note of who else’s energy may be involved. If there is an issue of energy sharing, affirm your own healthy boundaries, while intending they REPLACE your current feelings of boundaries.
8. HALF-ASSED BOUNDARIES
Half-Assed Boundaries are fully formed on one level of awareness, but not agreed upon by all aspects of consciousness.
For example, logically you know that your prices are fair, and there’s no reason to worry your clients won’t pay. Yet people constantly ask you to discount your services, you feel sick about it all, and would rather avoid it.
Or perhaps you feel very strongly that a client or aquaintance isn’t being truthful, or is manipulating circumstances, but there is no logical proof, so you force yourself to trust them.
Half-Assed Boundaries often wound us doubly, because there is a wound from the situation where our boundaries are being infringed upon, and then on a deeper level, ourselves for not fully standing up for ourselves.
A great deal of self-forgiveness and loving compassion is necessary if you’ve been living with Half-Assed boundaries.
The real cost here is to your sense of self-value. When you hold back from going all-in on believing in yourself and your needs, desires and boundaries, every aspect of success takes a hit.
Boo-Boo Symptoms: You notice a physical sense of illness/anxiety around the problem, even when healthy boundaries seem to be in place. OR you over-rationalize the problem and feel embarrassment or weak over the emotional and physical sensations experienced.
Negative results despite positive attraction work are a symptom, as well as a rollercoaster of positive and negative results.
Energy Bandage: When setting a boundary, it must be agreed upon with the mental, emotional and intuitive/physical intellects.
This means set it in your mind, then bring it into your heart and refine it until it feels loving and freeing to the heart.
Then bring it into your root (hint: this is the part where we engage the FULL ASS) so that around your hips and butt you feel strong, stable and confident in this boundary.
Make a commitment that whatever you do you will choose this full body sensation of strong boundaries for yourself.
For some, setting the boundary is not a problem. But when the boundary is pushed, even inadvertently by someone loved and trusted, the response is an explosion.This is a Triggered Boundary.
The wave of emotional response to the boundary being pressed is often so intense that the boundary never truly gets communicated.
Instead the emotional response takes over, costing you relationships, opportunities, and ultimately, the easy, joyful flow of income.
Boo-Boo Symptoms: Your client/friend/partner/kid really knows how to push your buttons, and when your boundaries are being crossed, the response is purely emotional, usually fiery hot anger. It always ends ugly, with either you hurting, and the other person winning the boundary battle, or your emotions exploding.
Energy Bandage: This boundary trigger is never about the situation that’s currently happening. These responses are the effect of long-term and usually childhood boundary trauma that has never been emotionally resolved.
In order to stop the cycle and reclaim your power, it is essential to express the emotions of anger, resentment, panic and survival shock that you felt when someone in power didn’t respect your boundaries, minimized them, or exploded when you had needs and desires.
Boundaries are not walls. They are energetic and emotional expressions of needs and desires. We all have them, we all have a right to have and feel our own needs and desires, making up our boundary energy.
In the past, someone else’s energy boundaries (exploding, limiting your expression, minimizing your needs, etc) were hurtful, and you may have vowed to have boundaries that hurt others.
So when someone pushes back against your boundaries, the inner child still struggling with the wound of boundary trauma judges that you are hurting them, and forces you to play that role.
It’s time to release those old emotions and create new ways of expressing needs and desires so your boundaries can be strong. Please contact me if you want to know more about the healing process.
10. DISSOCIATED BOUNDARY
Sometimes no matter how much work you do on boundaries, the moment a topic you struggle with pops up (like money, or ending sessions on time, or someone’s expectations), you find yourself completely losing yourself.It’s like paralysis, or leaving your body and going into a total state of numbness where thinking and reasoning are impossible.
This boundary boo-boo suggests the presence of an idea or belief so painful or against our core Truth that we literally cannot live with it. So our consciousness leaves us until this thought is gone.
Dissociating Boundaries around money or client interactions is one of the highest costs you’ll pay. Not dealing with the situation seriously slows down or stops income, piles on late fees, and closes the door on new financial opportunities.
If you have a pattern of dissociating boundaries when the topic of money comes up, please get help immediately. You don’t have to struggle with this alone.
Boo-Boo Symptoms: You totally check-out. Maybe a sense of anxiety or panic in deep center of the body, with an overall paralysis or heaviness in the body or pressing down upon you.
It might feel like trying to move through water. Sounds may be muffled, and time may slow down.
Emotions are generally difficult to pinpoint, if felt at all. Depression may coincide with this state, especially when prolonged.
Energy Bandage: The process of healing this boundary boo-boo can be long or short. The key is self compassion.
There is likely a subconscious stream of criticism for why you can’t be present and just deal with this going on, because the longer a dissociation boundary pattern continues the more frustrating it becomes.
The source reason for the boundary dissociation protection/coping mechanism needs to be discovered and healed before the boundary can be strengthened.
Please work with a trained energy mentor/spiritual conselor who works multidimensionally to help feel safe enough to untangle the problem without dissociating. It doesn’t have to be a scary or frustrating journey!
I offer these services and am happy to chat with you about your specific situation. Please request a free 30min consultation here.
SO WHAT NEXT?!
Now it’s time take steps to heal your boundaries.
You don’t have to keep paying for every boo-boo that happens!
Ready to heal?
A SoulScrub Spiritual Guidance Session may be right for you.
WHICH BOUNDARY BOO-BOO IS BOTHERING YOU?
Tell me in the comments below, so you don’t have to keep struggling with it alone!